What I've been writing

As our process of packing for our move has intensified I'm afraid my only writing has been history term papers. Sad really. I have lots of ideas to draw from right now.

Oh well, hopefully I will have a spare moment soon to write some more.

Writing

I'm having a hard time finding the time necessary to give my writing the proper time it needs to be developed to its best. Right now everything that has been posted is basically a  rough draft. Sad really. I've been doing most of my writing in the short amount of time that I have before my writing class and even during the class.

The Old Theatre

   The old theatre was empty. It had been that way for decades. The collection of natural filth covered its past splendour; its luster now muted. For generations it had been the heart of the community but they both died together.
   Sitting in the aisle the old man cried, recording his last etching of his childhood memories. His mind filled the seats, the stage and the screen. He saw his Grandfather, still alive, taking tickets and at once lying still in his casket. Then he saw his Father scolding him again for hanging from the balcony; the day his Father handed the keys of the theatre over to him; his Father's casket sitting next to his Grandfather's. His aging children grew before his eyes until they too were old. They did not want the keys to the theatre and he was too old. The old theatre was empty and tomorrow it would disappear.

Black Ice

   Why can't they hear me? The voices surround me and get louder and louder. I yell back but they do not hear me.
   The lights go out.
   What is happening?
   Then the voices are gone. I reach out for someone; something. I hear someone yelling, but it's quiet. It sounds like it's coming from beside me. Someone yelling but quiet.
   Dim lights come on and the yelling grows louder. More voices join in. I yell back. Again no one hears me. The lights brighten, spotlight bright. Again the voices get louder. Some talking; most yelling. My ears hurt. Then a dark figure faces me and the lights go out.
   Again silence.

Story about something without saying what that something is.

   I looked at my watch, 5 P.M. Quitting time. It was cold outside, thank goodness for car's heated seats. Any warmth right now would be comforting. My home was dark when I arrived. I turned on the lights and T.V. My home was alive now amd with dinner in the microwave I would reach the highlight of my day: reheated Salisbury Steak and a rerun of The Office. A new episode always made my day better but not today, looks like season two all over again.
   Why is Dwight so crazy?
   I checked my watch again; 10 P.M. Bed time. My bed was cold, a small pleasure, I slept better when it was. Tomorrow would be the same. Every day was always the same. Maybe tomorrow I'll have meatloaf.

Awakening

   My phone began chirping at 9 A.M; horrid electric noise. I struggle to find it amidst my semi-conscious stupor and hit dismiss. Fifteen minutes later it chirps again. Then again after fifteen more minutes. My wife grumbles:
        "Would you just get up already and let me sleep?!"

        But I want more sleep too.

   I roll out of bed, carefully stepping around the floorboard heater , fan, open dresser drawers and my wife's luggage left on the floor from her recent trip to her parents'. As I dress I hear the baby cry. Good morning life.

A hole

Within the hole
Where I do hide
I kill my soul
And burn alive

Challenges again

I've been moving forward with some stories lately but have again had my time to spend on them diminished. Tired of our noisy neighbours, my wife and I have decided to move on December 1st. So to add yet more demands on my time I am also packing our house up. That being said part of the plan this week is to get my site-specific up on the blog and maybe a couple of my complete or in progress stories to share with you all. I also intend on answering some questions that Jake asked me on my site-specific.
Let's keep plugging along everyone. This is a great class with an amazing spirit.

Yer Poetics

Jake asked us to write a bit about our poetry. Why we write, how we write, etc. I began writing as a teenager. My family was poor at times when I was a child and moving into my teens things only got marginally better. Not having the escapes that many others had (cable, internet, organized sports) I turned to creative outlets. My father is well read and we have always had an extensive library of classic fiction, in particular, science fiction. Having my mind's eye widened by the worlds of Arthur C. Clarke, Frank Herbert and their peers allowed my to grow an active imagination. In my early teens I began to write and explore different avenues of creativity. I dabbled in short stories but always found that what I created came out cliche or too predictable. Then in my Grade 9 year is discovered a book of Scottish poetry in my school's library, which I still have (high overdue fees eh?) and it made me want to try out poetry. Since that time I have written hundreds of poems.

Most of my poems have been self-conversational, or self-analytical as I worked through those raw teenaged emotions. Even now in my thirties I find that I turn to poetry to organize the cluttered ramblings of those raw emotions; to think through what I am feeling and get to the core of them. I have used poetry to capture unique moments in time, like stunning sunsets over the Pacific while flying to Hawaii. When I was doing missionary work in Mexico, I used poetry in moments of triumph and failure (I still write about those) and spiritual revelations that only come during that kind of religious dedication. Mostly though, my poetry comes like a thief in the night and has to be captured before it escapes.

Thus far in this class I have learned that I need to revise more often. Take some time to ponder what I have written and make sure it is written in just the way that it should be. I don't know if there will ever be any mass consumption of my poetic mental ramblings but I do know that poetry has been an important of my mental maturation.

Poem fragments

As we are passing from the poetry section to the short story section of my creative writing class, I feel I need to post some poem fragments that were written this past week. These are thus far unrevised and in their rawest form. Any of my class mates feel free to email me on Blackboard if you have any criticism +/-

#1
At the end of mankind's genesis
lies nature
unmolested.

#2
I've never been abandoned
Never left behind
Yet I fear it
I fear abandonment like it's familiar
My parents are still together
My marriage? Sound.
Why does it haunt me?

#3
The day is over
my once fond friend
The sun is setting
and we near our end

Overall I have to say I am loving this class and feel like I may want to continue on in the future with additional creative writing classes and personal experiments. Sadly I have not been able to take the time to write the sonnet that Jake (our instructor) has asked us to write. I am finding the burdens of my life to be heavy most times. With term paper due dates lurking but days away my time is most minimized.

Site poetry

As I have been prepping for midterms, I have been finding it difficult to focus on the preparation of the site poetry piece for my English class. I have come up with a few ideas and scouted on location out this week; don't know if I'll use that one.

Development

Being Thanksgiving Monday it was frightful dull and slow at work. The fortunate thing is that these moments often allow to let my mind wander and on occassion an idea bears fruit. Today was one of those days. An idea for a short story grew and I wrote down snippets to capture the general theme. I am looking forward to developing this idea further

Short is not always sweeter

I've began developing a short story idea today. I will get more into detail when it has been developed but its something that I'm looking forward to.

Writing exercises

I have been enjoying my Creative Writing course muchly. It has gotten me writing again. I spend more time thinking about what to write and am at liberty to write creatively more often.

There are challenges though. There are a couple of projects for this class that I am searching for inspiration for, or at least an idea. I will speak more of these projects as the due date for them approaches. The one I have a really big list of ideas on what to do for it and am excited to explore and ponder each idea, crossing them off one by one til I'm happy with one.

As we are soon moving into the short story section of our course I have begun writing down some ideas that have been floating in my mind for quite some time. I am hoping to develop some of these ideas more extensively and create something beautiful. Or bland, plain, exciting, con ganas. We'll see.

My biggest challenge with the writing process right now is more to do with my History papers. As there is one that is due in about 4 weeks I have been taking notes extensively. Getting past that point I'm finding is a major challenge as most of the time available for me to write in is during my son's bath, bottle feeding and bed time. This is a major issue as I share my office with his bedroom and we currently no other more convenient and better serving option. With my wife and son going away for Thanksgiving (me get a holiday off at work. Ya right! The joys of being irreplaceable) I will have several days of uninterrupted work time. YA!!!! I'm hoping to knock off a rough draft during those days so I can spend time revising and note taking for the second term paper.
                      Paper #1: Sino-Tibetan Relations During Late Imperial China
                      Paper #2: Was the Mormon Religion a Product of its Time?

Women

I claim no rights nor ownership to this image but what it says is important to me. Never ever take for granted the women in your life.

Sestina Exercise: The Miracle on the Panuco

As a writing exercise for my Creative Writing class we are give the task of attempting to write a Sestina. A Sestina is a six stanza, six line per stanza poem. The challenge with this particular style is that there are a list of six words that must be included at end of each line: one word per line, using all six words in each stanza. Each stanza uses the same six words but in a different order each time. Normally there is a three-line tercet at the end of a sestina but I have not done that.

The six words in this case were:
Coffee
Crumb
Balcony
Miracle
Sun
River

The following is my attempt at a sestina.

The Miracle on the Panuco

I have only drank coffee
once. Even then no more than a sip; a crumb.
It was on a  small island, where a balcony,
by some miracle,
floated aloft. There was no sun
there, only a river.

That island was lower than the river,
Where I once walked. Though others bought coffee
I walked in the hot sun,
Seldom eating more than a crumb.
Surviving by little more than God's grace; a miracle.
And only there I found peace, on your balcony.

I have never, my self, owned  a balcony,
Nor anything near a river.
Though either would be a miracle.
Until I can, I'll share your morning coffee,
Eat all my crumbs,
And wait for my day in the sun.

It's in the winter that I miss it most, the hot sun
Burning my skin while I watch it from your balcony:
El Rio Panuco. There holding my last crumb
Of birthday cake, the waters of that river
Dark as the colour of coffee,
I saw a miracle.

Life is full of many a miracle,
As certain as the rise of the sun,
Or a fresh pot of Tim Horton's coffee.
So, I sat there on that blacony
Watching the gentle motion of the river;
On my plate just a crumb.

Attached forever to that crumb
My memories, to that miracle
Are, and the reflection of the river
Against the sun
Stick to me from that balcony.
And still I have drank no more coffee.

Page 2 of Book poem

Couches seem justified as
      the painter's aim was,
                                         again,
burning,
                        surrounded,
drunk and leaning upon
                                    the house.
The spheres,
               deeply involved,
with his
             beauty.

He worked with
                         stubbornness,
self-pity and doubts.
                      No less characteristic
between the bloodshed.
                                      And his aversion to everything,
was spent.

The Tectonic Element

Change,
           from atmospheric conception,
the human figure
                         became predominant and the only accessory.
The Ancients,
                     happen;
                                 purely imaginary.
The tectonic element
                       with
                               certainly less
                    attitude towards sex.

An English Exercise: John Ashbury's The Chateau Hardware

The exercise was to take a poem from John Ashbury called The Chateau Hardware and take the end of each line and add to it with your own thoughts and words. I will include his poem in italics and then write my own lines in regular font.

It was always November there. The farms forever draped in late autumn's gray death. They
Were a kind of precinct; a certain control held over those who remained by the fear that
Had been exercised. The little birds sat silent in hope of the seeds that
Used to collect along the fence. As though they knew;
It was the great 'as though,' the how the day went, after the day of
The excursions of the police intensified.
As I pursued my bodily functions, wanting release and solitude.
Neither fire nor water, could cleanse my unclean heart. Nor could the
Vibrating to the distant pinch felt within my soul be settled.
And turning out the way I am, turning out to greet you. But you're not there, you're gone forever.

Thoughts on Alone

My wife was away for her monthly visit to her parents' with our son, Nathan. In those moment of solitude when she's away I struggle with the silence. I grew up in a home of 6 children and the fracas that ensues from some many people. Growing up in such circumstances I have become accustomed to noise and when I am faced with silence I become immensely uncomfortable and uneasy.

Sometimes when the silence envelops me my mind plays tricks on me. My thoughts run wild and lead me to strange places and occassionally dark back alleys of fear and temptation (this is not a confessional of any type). However, these moments of silence and dillusion also lead to epiphanies and moments of reflection allowing me to write and express repressed fears and thoughts.

English Entry #1: Alone

At night's darkest hour
      When light falls from grace
Upon day's deathbed
       I lay afraid
Held by the pain
      That once kept me in place
Frightened by the daybreak
      And the hurt I must face
Alone

Advancement of Anglo Literary Experimentation

With the start of my new semester there begins the start of many new projects. Aside from the copious amounts of reading and note taking requisite for my History classes (Late-Imperial Chinese History and American History to 1865) I have involved myself in an Creative Writing English class. In signing up for this class I have hopes to tap into the writer that I once tried to be and maybe redevelop a talent that has laid comatose for many a year.

As such, there will be many new entries to this blog (part of the class) and they should be focused mainly on my writings and my feelings and thoughts around said writings. Any comments would be appreciated, however, keep in mind that my writing tend to reflect the darkest corners of my inner soul and express feelings that I am often trying to work through and self-therapize.

Summer of..... stress

Its unfortunately been a difficult summer for myself. In summers past I've been able to enjoy the summer, relax on the beach, hike, camp, play sports and go on trips. This summer has been anything but. With my boss being down for months now caring for her daughter, who is ill with Lymphoma, I've been running my department and been run ragged. Its been a great learning experience and a huge opportunity to prove myself and grow. I've embraced this opportunity and stretched myself thin in the process. Though its tough now I'm more worried about running things once the school year starts. For the winter semester this year I was running things at work while balancing school work, an infant child and a post-natal wife. It was one of the most stressful times of my life and am not looking forward to balancing that weight again.

Our son is growing fast, as infants tend to do. At now nearly 5 months old he is trying to crawl; I often see him on his elbows and knees rocking back and forth. His hair is beginning to fill out now. He is such a fun little boy with big smiles and loudly, happy noices.

Houses and money and jobs oh my

We are looking at buying our first home. With the market being good right for buyers and the rental market being awful ($1200 a month for a two bedroom hole in the ground) we have decided that its a good time to purchase. Houses and condos are over priced here; $400,000 for a little home with no yard, condos are lame. So we're looking at buying a 2004 model modular home with a view of the Okanagan Lake and Kelowna. Not to mention the fact taht its two blocks from an Elementary School and my parents' house. If all goes well we're going to have an awesome place soon.

Goodbye Chicago

Three years and its over. Three years to exercise the demons. Three years to finally shut them down and shut them up. I sat on the edge of my seat, nervous, anxious, anticipating, hoping, praying, yelling, wishing and they did it. No longer will Vancouver Canucks fans have a reason to weep over losing to the Chicago Blackhawks. Tonight in a sudden death, winner takes all, overtime, game 7 of the first round of the Stanley Cup playoffs, my team for 20 years, since I was old enough to discover hockey, defeated a team that has vexed it for three long years. There was terrible officiating in this series: sometimes to our advantage but more often than not to our disadvantage. In the moment of truth at the moment of do or die a hero step and took us a step closer. Thank you Alexandre Burrows for simply shooting the puck.

Entering Midlife

Though 30 is not midlife, it is certainly nearing that point. Despite the grey hair coming in and the really sore back, I think I can handle this fourth decade of existance that I have now entered. Now if I can just balance everything that is going on (ie. work, school, baby, wife, sleep) I'll be ok.

3, 4, 5, 6 am feedings then off to class and work.

Its a good thing babies are so cute. My little son is adorable. He coos and gurgles when he's awake. Screams like a banshee when he's hungry though. I think I've actually received hearing loss. Little Turkey. Oh well, he's still cute.
The biggest challenge that I feel that we are having is his very early in the AM feedings. I know this is par for the course but good grief!!!! its a pain.
Like I said its a good thing that he's cute. Might be his saving grace. JK. We wouldn't trade him for anything.

Korean Proverbs

Pinch yourself and you will know the pain another feels when pinched.

Blame yourself, not the stream, if you fall in the water.

You cannot carry a stone up a mountain without getting red in the face.

To make a mountain, you must carry every load of earth.

You can mend with a trowel today what it will take a spade to mend tomorrow.

If you love your own children, love also those of others.

You cannot eat the picture of a loaf of bread.

Do not try to cut water with a sword.

A fellow who has ten faults sneers at another for having one.

*** Sourced from A History of the Korean People in Modern Times: 1800 to the Present by Robert T. Olver

The Baby had arrived!!!

At 1:11pm on Friday, February 18th, 2011, Nathan Jeremiah Ryder was born.

We're so happy to finally have him here. He's a cute little gaffer too.

The actual labour wasn't too long, about 8 hours, though my wife's water had broke the day previous with no contractions.

The only scary part was that during the final delivery, as he came out, the cord was wrapped around his neck and he was a little blue. I guess sometime after the water broke the cord had fallen and encirlced itself around him. Little guy had his hand clenched around the cord almost as if he was pulling on it.

It was fortunate that we were in the hospital for his delivery (I'm no advocate of home birth, never was, even less so now) because he would have surely been dead had we been anywhere else.

Apart from having to stay in the hospital to take antibiotics for an infection create by swallowing mucus he is healthy and happy. Sleeps almost all the time and puts up a fight when you change his diapers and clothes. We're hoping to have him home in three days.

Two days to go.

We're excited for the arrival of the baby on Wednesday. The doctor is going to induce my wife and get him out; we're a week overdue now.

For our last Valnetine's Day as a duo we went to our favourite restaurant< Kelly O'Brian's, and gorged ourselves on McCracken Rolls (a lovely egg roll type dish, stuffed with cream cheese and green onions, that you dip into thai sweet chilli sauce), sweet potato pachos (nacho-like dish where fried potatoes serve as the chips and are dipped in a honey mustard like dream).

The waitress was super fun. She got all excited that we were spending our last night with her. Fun.

Two more days to go and then we enter a whole new world.

Now I just need to find time to study for midterms on Friday

Virgil Kane

Lately I have been enthralled in repeated listens and views of The Band's Last Waltz concert. Five years old than myself, it has remained a classic and is probably the best concert film of all time.

The bulging continues.

Despite our hopes and plans, baby has not pushed throught the outside world. Content in his fleshy cocoon he just moves and wiggles but hasn't made a move for escape. Babies come when they want to; anytime now would be great.

My Black Beauty is gone.

For the first time ever I saw someone drive away in my little black car. It's his now though. I'm sad to see it go. It's been a great car. Sad........

Clarification

Dee pointed out that the title of the blog could possibly construed as meaning marital issues, or give people the wrong idea.
The title is simply taken from the Doors song, "Riders on the Storm" adopting the old English spelling of rider: Ryder.

The ever moving stomach of my wife

Exciting times are on the eve of transpiring for Dee and I. At 37 weeks pregnant we are on the cusp of the arrival of our little one. We're ready for him to come too. I poke him every day and tell him to "hurry the hell up."
We've been blessed in this adventure: Dee hasn't had any significant complications; everytime we've needed something for the baby the Lord has provided us with what we've needed for cheap or at least affordable. A couple great people have been kind enough to give us car seats and other such needs.
As babies do, we're sure that he's not going to come at a convenient time. I'm convinced he's going to come right before an assignment is due or a morning in which I have to open the store. Oh well, I'm sure whoever is inconvenieced will be understanding.
Hopefully..........

Changes on their way.

Having been a year of crazy and needed changes, I've entered a second phase of big changes. My car that has been so literally attached to me, has now been sold and I'm migrating over to the epitamy of exciting vehicles: a Dodge Caravan. With the sale of the car goes my stereo too. No more subwoofer. Ultimately this is a good thing, I mean you don't want 650 watts of bass pounding when you have a newborn in the car but still; I love that stereo. These, of course, are the necessary changes that I make for my family; they are the most important after all.
The sale of the car saddens me however. I have an unnatural attachment to my vehicles. When I left for my mission ten years ago I had just as hard of a time leaving my truck as my family. Fortunately, they were both there when I got back. Though I am excited about closing off the chapter of my life that was tied into that Hyundai, it does mean that I'm parting with the source of many memories and journies.
To my Hyundai, which was mine from new, I bid farewell, knowing that except at the chance passing I will likely never lay eyes on her again. sigh.........